The Backlash Against ‘I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother’

As Liza Long, author of "I Am Adam Lanza's Mother," is critiqued, let's take a look at our long tradition of blaming moms

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@anarchistmom

A word of warning to any mother who writes about her child’s problems: you just might get blamed for them.

This lesson was made clear by the dramatic arc of a blog post by one Liza Long, who in describing the challenges of her seriously disturbed son garnered sympathy and praise for breaking the code of silence and shame around mental illness.

(MORE: ‘I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother’: When Parents Are Afraid)

Long’s post went viral, but soon one observer, Sarah Kendzior, took the time to read Long’s entire blog and found some not entirely sympathetic statements from the beleaguered mom, such as “I quit! Let the state take care of you and your compulsive inability to stop poking people.” Kendzior also noted that Long and her husband had been involved in a messy divorce, which, while not entirely germane to the question of how to best treat a mentally ill child, did not exactly put Long in a favorable light.

It was all somehow reminiscent of the days, not so long ago, when mothers of schizophrenic and autistic children were routinely blamed by the medical profession for their child’s illness. Labeled “refrigerator moms,” these women were said to have caused the social withdrawal of the child with their lack of maternal warmth and attention. We still don’t know nearly enough about Connecticut school shooter Adam Lanza’s psychiatric history, but we can be sure that his mother Nancy Lanza will, in this tradition, be scrutinized for what she did and didn’t do, should have or could have done.

Understanding this tendency, both in society and in ourselves, Long and Kendzior have already put their differences aside. In a joint statement, they proclaimed, “We are not interested in being part of a ‘mommy war.’ We are interested in opening a serious conversation on what can be done for families in need. Let’s work together and make our country better.”

478 comments
mad.the.swine
mad.the.swine

SMH at how frickin self-righteous and judgemental some of you are. I have zero judgements for this woman because there is zero preparation for a situation like "my kid is going to kill me or someone else". Yes crappy parenting can cause problems but NO ONE is perfect, not even you- person who's reading this and going "except me". Some people simply develop mental illness from a young age and no amount of hugs (or spankings) is gonna change that. There were mass murderers far before vaccines or SSRI's. The sooner we can accept that and stop playing the blame game, the sooner we can start doing something real about this problem.

tialand
tialand

Bravo! It's despicable when parents are blamed when psychiatrists give SSRI drugs to their kids, like in the cases of Adam Lanza, the Aurora Theatre shooter, Columbine ... They were all on mind altering drugs. Worse than that, those poor parents who lost babies to SIDS, immediately following a vaccine, and were accused of swaddling the child, or taking it to bed with them to console the unconsolable screaming. The pharmaceutical industry will not take responsibility, and you're not allowed to sue them. (However, they do pay out billions each year to vaccine and drug-related injuries; to families who threaten to go public. It's done privately.) I wish more parents would be so bold. But then look what happens if you go public. What horror. 

tanyakin
tanyakin

People simply don't understand mental disorders until they (or someone close to them) suffers from one.  Unfortunately there are too many people out there that lay blame on the parents.  Well, sometimes the parents can contribute, but sometimes its NOT the parents fault.  I thought "I am Adam Lanza's Mother" was very well written, and deep.  If there was more awareness and help available, mental illness could be controlled at least enough to avoid senseless killings.  I guess its easier for many people to continue pretending that mental illness isn't real.

DianaLenoreMiller
DianaLenoreMiller

I am Adam Lanza’s Mother” pissed me off a long time ago.At first I was drawn in, like a desperate working mother supporting her demented mother and mentally ill brother.I wanted to use “like a moth to a flame” but it is too trite, too cliché, too tired a trope to use in this instance.I have been supporting my family on and off since 2003.Mental illness runs deeper in us than coal in the Appalachians.I know mental illness.I know it better than the “anarchist soccer mom” could in her worst nightmares.I am writing in hopes that she realizes she should shut her mouth.

You are not Adam Lanza’s mother” sums up quite nicely some criticisms that I would have used as “Anarchist Soccer mom” tries to drug and humiliate and threaten her son into submission.Because she is too busy blogging, on the blogosphere.When was she planning on bringing up her children?Was she going to do it whilst inebriating them with antipsychotics?How then will they understand a word she says in the medication induced fog?Oh wait, if they do not understand she will have them incarcerated.I see.Was she ever aware that birth control was an option?Could she have used it?Why must we now be subjected to her insane spawn?

This piece elucidates the rationale behind the rhetoric.Long’s whines echo like my own mother’s hyperbole as she shuffles across the floor, bemoaning her life of self-induced oppression, always making the most of any situation, as long as it gets her a sympathetic ear and a way out of actual effort.

“Anarchist soccer mom” - what a wonderful moniker; this piece of detritus is an unemployed housewife trying to score off a national tragedy. I hope her ex-husband gets full custody.I hope her career as a “Freelance journalist” - code words for unemployed housewife, falls to pieces around her as she realizes that her very public lamentations are no use to those of us who have to accept our responsibility for our children.Did she divorce her attorney husband who provided her with the excellent lifestyle she repeatedly brags about because he found some sweet young trophy to take to parties or did he leave her because she was a useless piece of shit?


MBEZI1
MBEZI1

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bryanjturner
bryanjturner

I'm not knocking her parenting skills but I am knocking her leaving loaded guns laying within reach of some one she already knew had some serious problems; as far as I'm concerned she's responsible for those kids getting shot up.

aurorafisher64
aurorafisher64

I have a recommendation for anybody who wants one. Throw away your suit, cash in your chips, go to the website Traders Superstore and learn how to trade and then move to South East Asia and live a life that you never dreamed you could live. That's what I am doing now and very happy instead of being in fear all the time and stressed.

Ettina
Ettina

I don't know why people act like saying that parenting has caused a child's problem has to mean vilifying the parent. Parents are people, too, and they make mistakes. Some mistakes have an adverse impact on their children. Doesn't mean they're some kind of monster, just because they've made some mistakes.

The parents who in some way contributed to their child's issues are probably the ones in *most* need of sympathy and support. Many of them are struggling with their own mental health issues. Even if they aren't, the awareness of their own part to play in the child's issues is something they may need support coming to. And in many cases changing the parents' behavior can ameliorate or even cure these parenting-related issues, whereas the impact of modifying parental behavior is less (though not insignificant) if the cause had nothing to do with parenting.

Very few parents deliberately and callously harm their children. Most parents who harm their children do so unintentionally or unwillingly, and are just as committed to their child's welfare as competent parents are. We need to offer them support, not blame. But we also need to be honest, for the sake of the children.

tialand
tialand

@Ettina Yes indeed! Parents want the best for their children and shouldn't be vilified because they believed a "health practitioner" knew what they were doing when giving SSRI drugs (or vaccines) to children. Young parents are naïve and believe in the pharmaceutical industry. We need to educate parents, not blame them for being trusting.

MikeLand
MikeLand

Just abort Aspergers babies.  That's a start.

SouThao
SouThao

Adam needed to get his front teeth kicked in. He needed to have the living crap beat out of him. His mother needed to wear his ass out. Pain teaches people that it sucks to do something your not suppose to do. If we kicked in half of all the inmates teeth in the US of A then american would be a much better place. Everyone blames the father or mother, but we have no idea what was going on in that household. Regardless, the murdered will not return from the grave.

KenMayberg
KenMayberg

I don't think the problem of how Adam's mother raised him is as much of an issue as to why she exposed someone like this to semi automatic weapons.  

ClydeCorri
ClydeCorri

every shooter has a doctor and a pill. so why are we talking about guns and laws? a father stabs his 6 kids and stands outside blood soaked on the sidewalk to watch the house burn down. it wasn't Knives that did it..it was the Medications. my Brother has MS. he was on pills and he attacked my mother,. we cut the pills and now he doesn't attack anyone. he laughs and talks to himself. but he isn't attacking anyone.  for all the people dying in our country from Celebretes to Veterans to children. we need to look at the SSRI pills. Diet Pills, stop smoking pills, Depresssion pills. etc etc .. that are causing harm to people.

cfblakeman
cfblakeman

There is only one issue with Ms. Long's writing - she exposed her son to the world. She could have so easily done all of this without using her real name, and no one would be questioning her parenting.  

How sad that Ms. Long did not take the opportunity to apologize for exposing her son's very private issues to the entire world. She isn't blamed for his problems. He makes his own choices. She is blamed for one of the most irresponsible things a mother could ever do - expose her child to world wide judgement, and for judging him herself in public to all his friends, family and community. 

Kendzior's response isn't nearly as good as this one - A MUCH better response - You Are Not the Killer’s Mother and Your Kid's Privacy Matters http://tinyurl.com/d8jl3el

ThinkingWoman
ThinkingWoman

This woman blaming seems to be widely prevalent and has gone viral. One guy even blamed Pelsoi and Boxer for the shooting - the two most powerful women members of the Senate and the House.

Because of these kind of unfair judgments and blaming sometimes women who do need helps as mothers or anybody else don't get it, and women who do need some confrontation are not getting it either. As always patriarchal societies blame women and mothers for everything, they blame women activists and feminists for many problems and they spew their hatred of women, now growing in all countries where women are standing up and fighting patriarchy, without thought or basic decency.

You want to know how many emails I received threatening to kill me, rape me and torture me for writing about women's issues and gender issues twenty years ago? Nothing much has changed.

BigPaws12
BigPaws12

She's not comparing her son to a killer, she's afraid because she's intelligent, and she understands that 1) his behavior fits a type that is more likely (statistically) to be a Lanza-type. 2) She's not throwing him under the paparazzi bus, she's sacrificing her privacy in the hope that people like her and her son get more help. She is baring her honesty. She doesn't hate her son. Every parent of even typical children has their frustrations. That she is brave enough to share hers makes her LESS likely to be abusive or hateful because she can be expressive. People that throw blame around are ignorant and part of the problem. If you blame Mommy, then it's simply her fault, the community can simply hate her and her child both rather than support them - and she alone should do something about it. Only it's not her fault and when she can't get buy successfully and her kid kills your innocent kid in school, college, in the mall, at a fast food restaurant, well then you can blame yourself for choosing to do nothing but lay the blame. As the parent of a child with a disorder of most types your insurance runs out, Special Ed is a tiring uphill battle that frequently results in nothing in the way of progress (as Ms Long said, daily babysitting), there are few if any restrictive State institutions left, and so people that were otherwise harmless are sent to Juv. Detention or jail, where they learn to be VERY harmful. There's nothing left int he way of social or public supports for a child once they're an adult. In this case, Adam Lanza WAS an adult, his mother bore no more responsibility for him or his life or the consequences of his actions. Here's a community full of people who knew this boy, but somehow let him be invisible. Not just his mother, his community. It's shameful. 


momshelper123
momshelper123

Please check out my blog at http://lanza-epidemic-my-son-s-story.webnode.com/. I have started the blog in search of advice from others in a similar situation. I want to create a place where an on-going conversation can take place amongst parents with children who have neurologicaldisorders. All suggestions, stories, and comments welcome. I hope to find out how better to help my son, through listening to other parent'ssuccesses as well as failures.

Ulumur
Ulumur

What, no backlash over the fact that she is exploiting her child, publicly comparing him to a killer? People with ASD are not retarded, illiterate, or lacking feelings. Her son has certainly read the article, and if he was suicidal before, I hate to think what state of mind he's in now.But hey, mom got her 15 minutes of fame.

iwillnotsubmittoyou
iwillnotsubmittoyou

I call bs. She was called on her obvious hatred for her son by many autistic people who are tired of being abused by their parents and seen as a burden. Guess what? We do have feelings, we can talk, and we're pissed off. Autistics are highly likely to be murdered by their own parents. We know how unvalued we are. WE KNOW. You're feeling sorry for the wrong people!

sookiela
sookiela

Thank you, blessed and holy mother Liza Long, for offering up your child for sacrifice. 

Thank you for projecting the hatred the public feel for Adam Lanza onto your own child so that we now have violent mental illness, something new to hate.

Thank you for inextricably, erroneously, dangerously marrying mental illness with violence.

Thank you for creating a newer, more modern, Satanic Ritual Abuse-like hysteria for the new millennium. 

Thank you for reminding us that children do not deserve either privacy or dignity.

Thank you for everything, Liza Long.

nickr
nickr

It does not matter how much ppl will try to analyze her struggles "to reach" her son , to deal with his problems etc. One thing remains the fact is how DUMB , SELFISH and IGNORANT that woman had to be to continue having all the gun arsenal in her house knowing that her son is off the rocker. "Oh know we did think he ll hurt anyone.. Oh no he was the quite type" that is the problem!!!!! You just DONT KNOW so logical thing is remove those guns out of his reach JUST IN CASE. BUT no Nancy Lanza was "prepper" ...scared of the doomsday.. I dont give a flying f...ck about her doomsday ideas but the fact that she even took her deranged son the driving range shows how STUPID and ignorant she was. Take him to the golf range for christ sake NOT a gun range. I am speechless

SalveRegina
SalveRegina

What I found sad about her article was she used psychiatric treatment as a threat to her son, a mental health facility is no longer the "looney bin" of the past. As long as society shuns the mentally ill and stigmatizes them,people will go untreated. And as a mother of someone with a devastating mental illness I know what I am talking about. Through a class I took provided by NAMI (national alliance of the mentally ill} I learned mental illness is a sickness which CAN be treated, just as a physical illness can be. Any parents out there who are struggling, don't listen to friends or family who may mean very well, yet haven't lived through it. You need to seek out your own help and NAMI is the best start. Also, please don't feel guilty or afraid to have you son or daughter hospitalized, there is absoulutly no shame in it. I know the world will never understand what me and my son have been through. He will be labled forever by the many names people refer to mentally ill people. But we can take it. And though I found this woman's story somewhat foolish maybe it may help someone. I hope....

RobinMcLean
RobinMcLean

There's a lot more to the Lanza story then mainstream press is devolving. Search for the report from a former FBI agent and there is now FB messages from the his mother on line. Do your research.You are clever enough. When you drug children and give them subliminal suggestion this is how the story unfolds or go back to experiments on children is the US using LSD. It is simply called mind control in a violent society. Read about the Olson case still coming to light.

leefield
leefield

This affluent Mom had max access to health care. Her friend was the psychologist at Sandy Hook. Hmmm wonder what they talked about?  Adam specifically targeted her. for maybe two reasons. One being her Mom's friend, but I speculate, he was enraged from his mental health plan/care. For those whom are not aware, mental health field is aflame with money. The Psychiatrist just prescribe and unceasing array of drugs and dosages as this routine produces results (usually long term bad) and maximum income. They are working for big pharma. It's an unholy alliance....yes evil. The U.S. is experiencing an epidemic of mental health disease. BTW the prescription drugs do not cure anything. They are horribly unsafe, unhealthy, and long term destroy mental health making the patient dependent for life. When patients go off their meds and become dangerous, don't think as often sold per Psychiatrist as reveled mental illness. Conversely, the withdrawal produces horrible psychotic conditions as the brain is rapidly changing it's chemistry that was screwed up by the drugs. The brain will always attempt to chemically balance even with drugs. This biological process forever requires changing meds and dosages...to keep brain off balance. This can not be sustained and sooner or later the patient will stupefy or attempt to abandon the therapy realizing the futility of such health care. Some interesting stats I've read; U.S. consumes more psychotic meds than rest of world together and we are suffering more. This is akin to global warming excuses whereupon if the condition improves they claim credit and if the condition worsens they can claim accurate prognosis. Maybe like Public Ed where spending ever more money is pushed to bad solutions in hope of change. Check out the documentary "Mad in America".  Also, my nephew has Asperger's Syndrome, now in his 40's doing well. It's not a mental disease with chronic need of psychotic meds. He was fortunate to avoid the drug popularity nowadays. Anything throwing brain chemistry off is playing with dynamite.

matjohnson2112
matjohnson2112

Seeing as how other parents are coming forth and saying that they too have problems and relating to her post, maybe you parents with perfect little children should shut up and not tell her that shes abusing her child. Her child has violent tantrums that apparently cant be anticipated. Yeah she should probably just ignore them and give her child some cookies and milk. Since there is no clear cut way of treating or even curing mental illnesses maybe its time to be open to new approaches...such as a post about her children. Maybe this will help her child get the attention he needs. People keep talking about child abuse. No child abuse would be her strangling her child because he had an episode and threw a toy truck at her. Since you are not that child's parent you should worry about your own children.

Rachelweepingforherchildren
Rachelweepingforherchildren

Just for the record folks, Liza Long is a college professor with a doctorate degree.  Her ex husband (the children's father) is a well positioned attorney.  What is all this "no health care available" nonsense?  If she is "Adam Lanza's mother" (which I think is a shameful thing to say) it appears it is by  conscious and willful choice.  Look deeper people, look deeper...  Things are not always what they appear to be, nor what people claim online...  I arrive back at my original suspicion that she just could not wait to seize the opportunity to politicize the death of twenty innocent children and seven innocent adults and make the situation about herself.  It is in keeping with all of my reading of her thoughts.

sookiela
sookiela

First of all, what kind of parent compares their child to a mass murderer? And secondly, what kind of mother publicly compares their child--a child old and bright enough to understand the comparison, and therefore old enough to feel shame and humiliation--to a mass murderer and divulges all his personal problems to the entire world? What can it possibly do for him or his mother besides escalate the problems presumably straining their relationship and permanently smear his name with the indelible ink of a child killer?

Before the dust has settled, before those poor dead children's bodies had even cooled, before we even know what, if anything, was wrong with Adam Lanza, Ms. Long was out there loudly proclaiming her 13-year-old son has the same problems and publicly branding him a future mass murderer. Yet, unbelievably, people were not shocked by her carelessness or sickened by her selfishness but impressed, inspired! Ask yourselves, what possible good can this do for her son and, just as importantly, how would her story or cause have been diminished if she had posted it anonymously, thereby respecting her son's right to privacy, his just claim to dignity as a human being?

Furthermore, if there is a problem with mental health in this country, how will shackling mental illness with mass murder and demonizing mentally ill children help things? How is the discourse improved by inculcating and further entrenching the stereotype of the violent, knife-wielding psychopath? Why does the tone of Ms. Long's article suggest that she is as much, if not more the victim, rather than her son who is purportedly ill? Why do we not hear "Michaels" side of the story? Why do we rarely hear the child's side? Why is it that the public, in a display of almost complete solidarity, pity the mother, yet when one questions how Michael--the real victim (now in more ways than one, thanks to mom)--might feel about having his medical history publicly aired and his name forever tied to evil, that same benevolent, pitying public becomes outraged and indignant? Why are children so often patronized and ignored, even when--apparently especially when--we are clamoring to protect them? Why does no one consider how Michael might feel? 

BelindaBaggins
BelindaBaggins

Adam Lanza is clearly on drugs.  Just look at his pupils and how his face looks skeletal.  Looking at his elementary school pic, he looks happy and bright.  That was taken from him.  I bet the drugging started some time when he was in elementary school and his life was ruined.

Lilacgypsy
Lilacgypsy

Why did Adam Lanza's mother set into motion plans to commit her son to an institution, let him know she was doing it, and then take him hunting? If you feel that your child has a Mental problem big enough to get hin committed, What the hell are you thinking to let him play with your guns...

kmw81567
kmw81567

@panzertoysmail is that what I said..? or are you putting words in my mouth. yeah it says the backlash, but I just dont see too much of it going on here...maybe with 1 person there was, but you see what they were woman enough to do dont you....so why cant you

kmw81567
kmw81567

@panzertoysmail  I think its a cry for help....then why dont you tell us all what she SHOULD have said while you stand in such judgment of others. You want to call her a bad mother, Bad mothers kill their children...she is far from it.and why is it that YOU are the ONLY one that has a problem with her out of the 300?? people "Listening:"

kmw81567
kmw81567

@panzertoysmail won't happen, its called parenting a difficult child. I sure wouldn't want to be in her shoes. would you prefer she end his life because he is too much to deal with? I mean common go to the anti name calling board and post this garbage

kmw81567
kmw81567

@panzertoysmail...I don't understand how posting a picture of your child (when the topic is about your child)  makes a person a child abuser. If this mother strongly feels her child is that out of control and if she doesn't get some help he will become the next serial killer , then thats her feelings which she is intitled to. How else is she supposed to describe it? How would YOU prefer her to go about explaining what SHE  is dealing with? Its not like she labeled your child the next serial killer...freedom of speach, if you dont like it, dont read it

chejoubert
chejoubert

Ms Long should quit - I've been saying this since the 80's when parents began to be harassed and called 'child abusers' for trying to control dangerous children. I adopted a baby, who turned out to be schizophrenic, and who had enraged periods when he would attack anyone, from a very young age. When I turned to people for help, I would be disparaged and insulted. I thank my own parenting ability for getting through my son's childhood alive. I was very skilled in how I spoke to him and handled his rages.  I negotiated his childhood until I was able to get him into a special school. Away from us he calmed down quite a bit, which is typical for a schizophrenic, still had no self awareness, and wasn't honest, emotionally or otherwise, but had fewer violent rages. I still feel the fact that I am alive, and my children, who were often injured, are alive, is no thanks to my husband or anyone I turned to. The police, especially the female police, added incredible pain to our lives, and they especially, should be in jail for enabling him with their insults of us, and their neglect of our safety. I say any mother who has a violent child should face the likelihood of herself or other children being hurt or killed, and get that child out of the house - even if she has to move away in the middle of the night. I would never go through what I did again. 

heidilee2000
heidilee2000

The worse part is that Ms. Longs essay was named Thinkable and Unthinkable, not "I am Adam Lanzas mother."

I beleive the nerves caught on this article was in part, the title, which was renamed by other Media sources.

BryanJ.Maloney
BryanJ.Maloney

The kind of blowup Ms. Long describes is 100% UNLIKE the behavior that Adam Lanza engaged in his shooting spree. Likewise, her blog entry only feeds into the bigotry that "developmentally disabled" == "mass murderer". Lanza's mother had access to plenty of money and plenty of treatment options.

gpera
gpera

"A word of warning to any mother who writes about her child’s problems: you just might get blamed for them."Stuff and nonsense!  Instead, there has been too much uncritical thinking regarding this horrifying post by Ms. Long.   I have been personal witness to family dramas around mental illness for 13 years, and never have I seen so many red flags that the mother might have more problems than the son.Just as it makes no sense to uniformly blame neurogenetic and other types of mental illness on the mother, it makes equally no sense to uniformly decide that the mother (or father) is dealing with some mental health issues of her own.  Neurogenetic disorders being what they are.  That is, highly heritable. Also prone to "denial" -- for reasons both psychological and physiological.

tavereen830
tavereen830

Two items may improve some of these societal issues.   1) Enforce the death penalty on criminals who have committed intentional murder and repeated serious violent crimes and 2) permenantly institutionalize in psychriactic hospitals/centers anyone that has ongoing or long term mental issues which impair their ability to normally cope with the stress of daily pressures from society.

heidilee2000
heidilee2000

This just in if you haven't heard. Lanza's mom was in the process of committing him, and he found out. Or that's what is says today.

You'll have to google it since I cant make mention of other media sources on this panel: EXCLUSIVE: Fear of being committed may have caused Connecticut gunman to snap

RobinMcLean
RobinMcLean

As an anthropologist who also worked in an outreach program for these children I think back and need to quote Margaret Mead, "It takes a community to raise a child." Are there no services where you live and why? The organization I worked had respite for families and helped them cope and manage. I am interested in this dialogue due to the fact there have been several member in my family who are mentally ill. I worked for years de stigmatizing mental illness and the progress is all to slow. There are a few petitions at President Obama's web site concerning mental health advocacy. It is time to heard in Washington . I do think raising children with special needs is beyond the scope of the individual family unit. Look towards your community, your government and always have hope! I would turn your perspective around instead of thinking your family suffered your family is stronger for it and they deserves recognition and proper treatment facilities. 

nevereclipsed
nevereclipsed

I don't think people are blaming her for her sons problems, although her life and her ex husband's life are full of them.. They are blaming her for blaming her son, for evil he didn't do. She keeps referring to him as sick, she puts him in the company of the VA Tech shooter, the Arizona shooter, the Colorado shooter. I can't think of more evil company for a mother to put her own son in! Yes he's disturbed, but we don't know how rational his own mother is, reading her blog posts makes me think she has her own problems, and probably provokes her child, she admits the father is even worse. I genuinely feel bad for this kid, because he's only 13, and changing his name didn't protect him now that his mother is famous. 

Auria
Auria

despondency, until they decide to lash out at individuals or a society they believe has done them great wrong. Mental health, as well as our failure to address it as a society, is at the core of these events."

A lot of misinformation has been printed, there is no proof Adam ever handled guns b4 that horrible day...ATF has stated that, other sources incorrect. . .Just as Mrs Lanzs never worked at the school.

Read more: http://ideas.time.com/2012/12/15/sandy-hook-shooting-why-did-lanza-target-a-school/#ixzz2FRN3LEIn

Potemkin
Potemkin

People who work with the mentally disability know that what Liza Long's child has is probably a high functioning mentally disabled child who also has pychiatric issues. The sad reality of mental retardation is that it is can sometimes be paired with psychosis.  The mothers who are trying to force their kid to be "normal" tend to not qualify for the types of care and services that more profoundly mentally retarded children can get.  These are the parents who refuse to believe the repeated diagnosis of mental retardation and instead keep trying special diets and mood medicaiton when what their child needed was to be in a more gentle environment, making friends with kids with special needs and being prepared for life in group homes.  Instead the parents are trying to make kids who will never be "normal" fit into normal kid activities.  You wouldn't give a mentally retarded child shooting lessons or violent video games.  In this country the parents have final say in what they do, even if its as inconceivable as giving a mentally disabled man assault weapons lessons.   

Auria
Auria

Some of you here missed what ERGO said "Now I'm happy my mom did that stuff for me"

Ergo realizes now that her Mother took the proper steps and even now is sometimes "delusional".

I wonder how many people here know the stress and isolation of living in fear that one of your children has threatened to take a knife and harm/kill his or her siblings.

My support is for the first responder, 98% it is the Mother, she is the only one who usually doesn't walk away from her child.....she doesn't move to start a new life, this is why ppl blame her.

Many parents of the mentally ill are coping with behaviors much worse than people reading a story can imagine.

Read more: http://ideas.time.com/2012/12/17/the-backlash-against-i-am-adam-lanzas-mother/#ixzz2FRCnIlE6

mr0008
mr0008

So many excuses for an individual that was a malfunction. Bottom line parents need to stop trying to be buddies with their kids and be parents. Too much pressure is put on children to reach some ideal that their parents never were. This is such nonsense! Lanza was a bad seed and the result of two individuals that made excuses for him his whole life.

ergo
ergo

I was just like her child as a kid and still sometimes am. My mom was the most cold, unaffectionate person ever when I was growing up; she wasn't abusive, but she did tell me I was a loser and a freak and she hated my friends. She'd fight with my father when he WOULDN'T agree with her opinions on me. Not sure if this was the cause of me being so horribly apathetic and depressed, or if I deserved every word of what she said because it was true. Either way, my mom threw me into an institution more than once, drugged me up, and forced me to cut school activities for therapy. I was put in special ed classes where people would be learning their verbs and nouns while I was a senior in high school.Now I'm happy my mom did that stuff for me. On one hand, it was horrifying to be nine and in a mental institution. On the other, I never had the cops called on me for threatening my parents with a knife, because well, I knew where I'd be going. Sufferers of mental illness should not be treated the same as everyone else because we are NOT the same as everyone else. I think it's horribly irresponsible for her to have a son that is so deranged that she has to set up an evacuation plan for her other kids and yet she won't do anything for his mental health.A lack of boundaries and consequences are exactly what he DOESN'T need. It might not make sense to him, but it will train him, just like what you have to do for very young children.

RobBlack
RobBlack

It's fairly clear that most of the people commenting have never had to face a reality like this mother has.  Parents aren't perfect, but when you add that to an out of control teen, you have a pending disaster.  I read comments like describing this terrified mother as being too controlling.  Well, what happens when tough love needs to be employed as a last step?  Why do people assume this mother hasn't tried to the best of her ability and intentions and this is a last resort?  She has reached her end of the rope, the last straw.  If it were her husband threatening to kill her and then himself, you all would be up in arms demanding his arrest.  Because this is a child it is somehow different?   Blame the mother?  Sure why not, it's easier that way, at least until we read about how her son cut her throat because he didn't want to eat his peas.

ckaloyerakis
ckaloyerakis

The laws need to be changed to allow parents and loved ones to be able to get help for people with mental illness and severe drug abuse problems, who cannot help themselves.The laws were changed years aho to prevent family members from institutionalizing people wronly.Years ago, men got rid of their :"crazy" wives that way, parents had their "crazY' children lobotomized even! These protection laws are very good but they've just gone too far.There was a bill up for consideration some years back that required at least 2 separate psychiatrists and a judge to evaluate and then be allowed to help the family members get the person the help they need. Certainly their needs to be safeguards.as it stands now, no judge or doctor is going to take the chance of being sued by forcably getting a person the help they need.There is a middle ground here. Families are left to struggle and handle things things completely alone. No wonder Adam Lanza was isolated and overprotected by his mother.They were given no other options on where to go for help.

Rachelweepingforherchildren
Rachelweepingforherchildren

I see all the arm chair psychiatrists are out diagnosing people they have never even met...hmmm.  Here is some food for thought; perhaps Ms. Long should not be allowing this child (who she has personally diagnosed as mentally ill) to be sitting around playing the video game Halo (M rated).   I would not even have this in my house and she allows it for a child she is "afraid of, is "dangerous", etc...  Poppycock!  FYI folks, there is no medication for autism.  Nor are people on the spectrum inherently violent.  There is a great deal of quackery on this thread (big surprise).  Just try to remember, you can be anything on the net...  Read the rest of Ms Long's blog for some insight.  The women needs professional help for herself, IMO.