Are helicopter parents here to stay? I certainly hope not but for a different reason than Cohen and DeBenedet mention. As a marriage and family therapist with almost four decades of specializing in siblings, I have found that much of childhood and, hence, adult sibling conflicts stem from over-involvement of parents in their children’s interactions.
For instance, when kids argue or physically tussle, unless parents have concerns about the real potential for violence, their attempts to resolve the children’s conflicts actually exacerbate them. Children fight, they yell for a parent and keep it up, knowing the parent will step in; they depend upon a parent to stop them, even though they may not like the parent’s resolution. Thus, they are not forced to figure out how to end the conflict themselves and find alternate means for settling it.
With the best of intentions, parents step in to protect a sibling from a stronger or bigger brother or sister. However, it deprives the protected sibling from learning to negotiate or barter or to use humor to outwit the other. Or to turn the fighting into playful tickling. These are all important skills for being successful in the adult world. And one vital result of parents retiring their helicopter is that as siblings resolve their own conflicts, they feel better about themselves and much closer to each other.
Karen Gail Lewis, CINCINNATI